Disclaimer for do-gooders: I am currently experiencing one of life’s most significant changes, and that is a divorce. I do not take it lightly. I wish nothing but good and happiness for my children’s father. I am angry, hurt, guilty, terrified and relieved. My way of dealing with it…is to make fun of it. I will make fun of myself. I will make fun of you. (Not really.) I will probably make fun of him, but rest assured I will have warned him ahead of time. I will say things that will make it appear as though I am flippant. But know this: I AM NOT.
Please take these words to heart before making your judgments, as I know you will make because you’re human – just like me.
And now, Prepare To Be Enchanted*** (or not).
The last two days have been the strangest in a long, long while. Really. Yesterday I did two things I’ve been meaning to do for a couple of months:
1) Visited the art gallery downstairs
2) Filed for divorce
I stood in line for over an hour at the Family Law Building, filed the paperwork, paid a ginormous filing fee, left the building. It was so easy – not short but easy – and so monumentally anticlimactic that I didn’t feel like I’d done anything at all. It was one of the strangest not-feelings I’ve ever experienced. So I came home, gathered up everything that needed to be notarized and served after filing, put it aside, took a swig of Bushmills (thanks, Aunt Annie) and randomly decided it was just the perfect damn time to hit up that gosh-darn art gallery.
A small and totally insignificant back story: One day I took Dottie outside to pee and left my keys in the apartment, locking myself completely out of the building. I went into the gallery and begged my new friend Leland, the owner, to let me in. He did. Boom.
So in I went yesterday without dog or children or lack of keys. It was So.Much.Fun. I spent an hour getting the history of the new place (in business a little more than a month, opened because Leland was bored with retirement.) In the end he loaned me a painting. He even gave me a hook to hang it with. I didn’t tell him (maybe I should have) how much that act of
kindness swell marketing meant to me so soon after standing in that line and leaving that shitty little family law building in such a complete daze.
The rest of the day, honestly, is gone in a blur of kids, dinner, Phineas & Ferb, and a little more Bushmills. Lest we forget Dottie, who – completely unrelated to anything but no one is holding a gun to your head to make you keep reading – is walking with a pronounced limp that will require a trip to the vet if not gone by the weekend.
So…today. Today was the day to get those papers served. Not difficult but also not as easy as it should be for someone in the legal profession – mostly because I’m a space cadet. But I managed to get it done and then proceeded to collapse into a pile of tears on the sidewalk after leaving Al The Process Server’s office. I didn’t actually collapse, just leaned on a cement wall like it was my knight in shining armor while trying to cover my face with a giant envelope that I might have absentmindedly stolen from Al, at which point everyone I’ve ever met in the world walked by. (Question: Why at that moment? Just…why??)
Anyway. The rest of the day is just a blur of kids and pizza and a limping hound dog. I’m really quite tired.
***”Prepare To Be Enchanted” is a line from one of my favorite Dean Koontz novels, Life Expectancy. You should totally read it. Even better, listen to the audiobook and I promise you’ll be horrified and laugh out loud at the same time.